I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
