a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
