come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize