Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
