This is not my ceiling
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
