He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
