Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
