What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
