Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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