I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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