What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
