I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
