i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
