official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my poor anus
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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