I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
