i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
