Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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