did you get engaged???
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
