when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize