Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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