Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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