kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
