The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
