Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
