i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
