Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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