Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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