Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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