We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
