I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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