I met the friendliest cop last night
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
