you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
