My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
