I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
