Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
