You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
