Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
