If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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