Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
