bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
