If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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