I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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