That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
