i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
