i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
