she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
