So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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