I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
