remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
