I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
