I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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