the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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