I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
