I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
