Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
