how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
