i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
drinking out of a sandbucket again
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
