First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
