I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize