the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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