hotel room ftw
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
