After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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