do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
