Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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