Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
