I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
