remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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