I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
