Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize