Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
