Life is so much better after having sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
