so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
