Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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