wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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