remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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