3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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