she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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