laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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