Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
