Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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