matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
